just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
