hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
