Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
