We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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