Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
