Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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