Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Damn victory sex feels great
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
