now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
