I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
