this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
