Someone shit on the floor
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
