Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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