please come you make the beer taste better
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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