My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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