eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
