Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
