K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
