I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have aggressive nipples.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
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