Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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