I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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