My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
