Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
