You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
