Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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