fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
