Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize