She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
