nut hugger
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
