Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
