New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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