there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
