DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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