Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
