Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
