it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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