it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
