I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
her vagine was all disorganized.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
