tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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