the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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