just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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