I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
