She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
