Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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