just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
