so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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