from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Your penis caused this!
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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