If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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