I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
