The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
