Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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