I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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