Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
No subtext here. People are naked.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
