If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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