I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
