Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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