then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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