He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
