i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
