Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
