Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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