my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
