come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i think i have two assholes
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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