I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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