i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
