I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
