I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
