i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
