i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm bleeding and have questions
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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