I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
