Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I think a kid would responsible me up
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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