I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
