Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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