I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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