I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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